My New 'Do

My hair has always been something others have complimented, mostly in the way of "wow I wish my hair was as long as yours!" I'm not saying this to brag in the slightest, more to give context to what I am about to say and detail, so the story has more meaning. 

I just cut off six inches of my hair in addition to the foot that I cut off in August, and I am more than happy with my decision. My hair has always been below-the-bra length, and now it is just below the shoulder, and I couldn't be more happy with it. This is not true of everyone I have encountered, though.

When I first walked into school with my new 'do, I was met with mixed reactions. Some people, partially in disbelief, asked the ever-annoying question of "did you cut your hair?". No, those six inches just walked off from the rest of my hair in the middle of the night for a trip to France. They should be back in about two weeks. Others, complimented the change. "Wow it looks so great!" "That look really suits you!" And yet, some said things that I couldn't decide if they were meant as compliments or to say they did not like the change. "Your hair is so short!" "Wow you look so different!" "I can't believe you cut it off!" 

Some people were not so thrilled with the idea. "Your princess hair! You cut your princess hair off!" "NO JAINA NO!!" and even "You dumb bitch!", although that was said partially in jest, as the next comment was "I like it, it looks good, but man, I told you not to cut it!" 

I want to go off of the other questions I received, such as "Why did you cut it?" and "Why so short? Why now?" The answer to all of those and many more, is simple. I wanted to, so I did. 

Why does it matter what my thinking was, or how I was feeling that day, or how long I thought about it before chopping my long locks off? Do I really need more reason than "I wanted to?" And about the last comment, the one where they told me not to cut it, what does it matter what you think? I have to look at myself in the mirror everyday, and I have to wake up and style this mess everyday. You don't have to do a thing but see me for one hour five days a week. I believe the decision was and is purely mine.

My parents were another force in this whole equation, with my father wanting me to keep it long and he wasn't afraid about saying so, and my mother telling me to just do what I wanted and not try to please others with my decision. I wanted to cut my hair shorter for a few months, but I had an Anna gig in the beginning of this month, so I had to keep it long until then. I decided that the weekend after that I was going to snip off more than I ever had before. 

I believe there were some girls living their long hair dreams vicariously through me, as my hair used to descend below my butt, and was straight and relatively healthy for the longest time. But I wanted a change, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my hair. In August, I was afraid to go that short that quickly, so I cut it about six inches longer than what I wanted, and decided to adjust to that length before cutting more off. Five months later, and I was back in the chair excited to get the haircut I had been wanting for several months.

Below I have included pictures of my hair before and afters, for you to get a reference of the length of my hair. The picture where it is the longest is actually after cutting about two and a half inches off. Yeah, I went from that to the second longest picture in a week. 

The thing I want you to take away from this post, is that you need to do what you want to, what makes you happy and not others. Because at the beginning of the day, you have to look at yourself in the mirror and get yourself ready. No one else has to. 

Identity

Everyone has something they consider their "identity", and some times your identity is not even something you personally identify yourself as, but more of what others identify you as. For me, my identity used to be my long hair. And I do not mean long hair as in, it falls to my boobs. No, long hair as in, when I was in the shower it went down my buttcrack. Long hair as in, I had to loop it around my hand to use the bathroom so I did not get anything on it. I loved my long hair for a while, but then I felt like I needed a change

I began telling others I was craving a hair change, and they said "don't you dare cut it! Your hair is so beautiful!" And I felt pressured to keep my length. I started to not like my length as much. But I kept it, and instead decided to change my color, which I was no longer in love with. My blonde hair had begun turning a muted brown, with no variety or definition. So I dyed it a beautiful red color, and got backlash when I strutted into school with it. "What happened to your beautiful blonde??? What did you do??? Why??" I felt self conscious, but every time I looked in the mirror I loved the way I looked, thought I looked prettier with my darker locks.

I lost my blonde hair identity. And I didn't care.

I gained a new identity, as the girl with long red hair. And not too long after that, the girl with long red hair and lip piercings.

I still was not satisfied with my hair though. I wanted a change. And after a really hard breakup, I decided "screw it. I tried to please everyone by keeping my hair, and it got me nowhere. I need a confidence boost right now, so I'm chopping it." And chop it I did. I cut off a whopping 13.5 inches, and never looked back. It was still below my shoulders, falling down to the end of my bra, but it was a liberating experience. My best friend was totally supportive in all of this, giving me her hairstylists number, and coming along with me to the appointment, and even giving her input on the layers and styling of it. I can't thank her enough for being so supportive and reassuring during the whole process.

I lost the long hair identity that others had pinned on me, but I felt sexier, more confident, and a hell of a lot better about wearing ponytails and buns.

The point of all of this is that others will give you an identity, and you do not need to feel constrained to that. You are your own person, and if you want to change your identity, or change what people identify you as or with, then do it! Be happy with who you are, because at the end of the day, people leave your life constantly, and everyone has their own individual opinions which honestly should not affect you in any way. Love yourself, and love others. Be supportive of change, because how can we grow if we do not change?

I just wanted to type up a quick post for you all while waiting for my food at a restaurant. I hope you do not let your identity control your decisions, because identifies can change with the drop of a hat.

Thanks for putting up with me.

Jaina