Passion

I have been rediscovering passions of mine here at college that I am really excited to get into again. One of which is writing, and its not that this passion ever really left me, but I just did not put as much effort into it as I used to. I am currently writing a book that I am really excited about, and I can't wait for it to be finished and have people begin to read my writing for the first time ever. Maybe I will publish a few excerpts on here ;)

I have also been helping out in my school's costume shop, and I am realizing just how much I love sewing. I used to take sewing lessons when I was in third and fourth grade, and I remember loving it back then. Not much has changed apparently! I still loving making something out of a bunch of fabric and having myself or others love it. I have been watching countless YouTube videos of people sewing things, or taking items from the thrift store and making new, better things out of them. I really want to do that for myself again, so I am saving up to invest in a great beginner sewing machine. Now, I wasn't a beginner when I stopped sewing years ago, I was more of an intermediate, because I had a very talented but very mean sewing tutor, but because I am so out of practice, I am sure I will need to relearn a few things. It should come back to me fairly quick though! I have more than a few different sewing items in my wish list on Amazon, and I am looking forward to the day that I can begin to order them and receive them in the mail. Until that day, I will live vicariously through others uploading their sewing projects to the interwebs.

I have been enjoying a few of my college courses very much, and others I fail to see the point of. This English class is basically the same thing I took for the past two years in high school, and I thought I had tested out of it. My honors course is far from being at the level my honors courses were at Highland, but maybe it's just because we are talking about things that I fully comprehend, and I don't really have to learn anything yet. However, I am learning so much in my Acting and Intro to Theatre classes. I am becoming a better actor, and through that learning how to teach others to become better actors. I am watching how my Acting professor instructs us, and through that I am learning how to teach students. I do not want to grow up to be a big name Broadway star. My dream is to make theatre more available to underprivileged children, especially those in the foster care system. Most of the work I would be doing is volunteer-based on my part, and that does not bother me. I am not in this profession for the money, and anyway this profession does not have much money involved. I am in it because this is what I am passionate about. I have seen how the Theatre can help anyone and everyone, and I have seen it be a safe haven for many students. I want to provide that in areas that desperately need a place for the children to escape from the world and live in fantasy.

There are so many things in my future that I am really excited about. I know I will make a good teacher, but I still worry about not impacting my students. I think every teacher worries about that though. I am so excited to see what God has planned in my life both now and in the next 4 years. It just seems as if He is slowly putting everything together. For once in my life, I feel truly content with where I am, and so excited about my future. Sure, I am still struggling with the emotional effects of my past issues, and dealing with a brain that sometimes decides that we are going to have a terrible day or week, but I know those moments are not me, they are fleeting and they do not define me. I have been surrounding myself with people who love and care about me, and I am surrounding myself only with things that make me truly happy. All the pictures on my wall bring a smile to my face, or remind me of a wonderful memory. I have quotes and passages that make me smile or again remind me of a great memory. My whole wall next to my desk here at school is full of little things that bring a smile to my face and practically emanate positive energy (I know that sounds weird but they really do make me happier).

For anyone stuck in a time in their life where they feel like nothing is going right, like the world is collapsing in around them, hold on. Please hold on for me. I am right here to tell you that everything gets better. I promise you that you will one day look back on these days and smile because you can see just how far you have come. If you need anything, please do not hesitate to contact me, and I will tell you again and again that it gets better. I am a living testament to that fact.

I just really felt the need to write today, and I appreciate every person who reads this blog, because I know sometimes my thoughts can be kind of crazy and all over the place. But I don't hold back. I just write whatever comes to my mind on a certain subject.

Thanks for putting up with me.

Jaina