#METOO

I typed this definitely over a year ago, possibly closer to two, and have been quite frankly terrified to post this. This is the story very very few know about. I've kept quiet long enough, it's time to tell my story.

WARNING: Contains strong language, and discussions of sexual situations including sexual pressure and manipulation. May be triggering to some.




It all started as a friendship. You liked my best friend and you seemed like a chill dude so I started talking to you. We shared an English class and would talk after class or waiting for the bell to ring to release us into halls swimming with other overly stressed and hormonal teenagers. She turned you down, wasn’t attracted to you and only saw you as a friend: a valid reason. I was nice to you and the next year you admitted you had a crush on me. No, not just a crush, you wanted to date me. I told you I wasn’t interested and wanted to remain friends and you agreed, but you weren’t satisfied.

Months later we rekindle our friendship after you ghosted me for a long time. I remembered enjoying talking to you and decided “hey why the fuck not. I don’t have a lot of friends”. After talking for a while you told me you still liked me, and couldn’t be ‘just friends’ any longer. I agreed to talk to you in a more serious way and see where things went but warned you that I didn’t really like you that way.

You constantly texted me and flirted with me, you called me your girlfriend and pretty soon was proclaiming you loved me. Meanwhile, I was....trapped. I told you I didn’t like you as more than a friend and you would claim I led you on, while you were feeding me lines about how girls never liked you and I was different and you loved me and you were depressed and felt hopeless until you let me and how you loved me and you loved me and you l o v e d  m e.

I wasn’t starved for attention and I didn’t need you in my life.

You forced your way in and trapped me in a place where I didn’t feel like I could get out. You made me feel bad for you and made me feel as though if I said anything about how I wasn’t attracted to you or how I didn’t see you as someone I could ever love you would do something to yourself.

You kept bringing up my past, how since I acted this way and did that before you should get the same.

You kissed me when I didn’t initiate and I was stuck locking lips with someone I had no feelings for and I began to grow



Scared



How do I get out? He won’t listen to me and keeps saying how he loves me and I am the one for him and how great we are together and all this chemistry and how he loves me and he loves me and he loves me.

I couldn’t even get away from you at home because you invited yourself over constantly. My parents liked you, my brother liked you, you forced me to cuddle with you on the couch. Sitting next to me and reclining it so I had no choice but fall into you, where you wrapped your arms around me like a constrictor, not a comforter. I couldn’t escape and couldn’t get out and you took pictures of us on my phone and posted them on my social media without my permission.

You took me out on a ‘date’ where you ignored me the whole time and talked to your friends you found there.

But the worst was your endgame.

I didn’t see a way out from where we were as you always talked me into staying with you even though I never agreed to be your girlfriend, only to talk to you and see where things went.

I told you that at camp I had reclaimed myself and wanted to live better. Wanted to put my past behind me and move on. I was hoping you would get the hint.

You said we should go play video games upstairs. I should have known better

I was terrified but you read it as nervous and excited, or maybe you saw my terror and it excited you.

You said something to my family and locked the door behind you and I was trapped again, this time I was even more afraid. You pushed me down on the couch and I was frozen and didn’t know what to do. You were on top of me and kissing me and undressing me and yourself and putting my hands in places I didn’t want them to be and touching me places I never asked you to and I couldn’t get out and I was so scared. I had said NO I had told you NO I had said I didn’t want to do this. You kept asking “are you okay?” And when I said “I just don’t want to do this” you pushed and you put your hands on me again and I was scared it was going to happen to me like it had happened to my friends. I didn’t think you were capable of it but here we were. I don’t know what I said or did but you finally stopped and I said I didn’t want to. You said, “well I just thought you loved me but if you don’t want to I guess we’ll stop”. I wanted you to leave but you pulled me into you, forcing me against your body again and still trying to. To.


I don’t remember how but I got you to leave and I never saw you again.

I fell into a relationship and a year later you sent an apology but never actually said what you were sorry for. I know you were apologizing to make yourself feel better and clear your conscious because it was a half-assed apology and I didn’t want to forgive you but I didn’t want you to keep talking to me so I said it’s okay.

It’s not okay.

Fuck your half-assed apology.

Fuck you for trying to rape me.

You forced me into a relationship I said I didn’t want. Forced me to do things I said I didn’t want to do. And purposefully gave me no way out every step of the way while making me feel like if I tried to ‘break up’ with you, you would kill yourself.

I pray to God no other girl had to go through what I did with you.

Just because I laughed at your jokes and talked to you after class does not mean I have to date you, fuck you

Or love you.