I feel as if I make a post related to a new 'life change' every few months. Is this what being in your 20s is like?! Life keeps changing and God keeps telling me to go different directions (and forcing me to move when I decide I don't want to change).
I have worked at my retail job for a year now and have loved it! I love my coworkers, love the environment, love the customers we have come in (most of the time), but for the past 6 months, God has been pushing me to get out of there. Do I want to leave this job? Absolutely not! So I did what any human does; I did what I wanted to do and didn't listen to God's gentle pushing. So he pushed harder and made it so I absolutely understood that He was telling me to LEAVE. What did it take to have me send in my two-week notice last night? Not being scheduled for two weeks in a row, and when I have been scheduled the last month, it has been for two or three 4 hour shifts a week. Most often having one or all of those cut and given to the new hires (oh I could go ON and ON about the issues that have been coming up there since God first pushed me to leave. Sorry to my co-workers, I partially believe all these issues are because I didn't want to listen). I decided to go in search of a new job about a week ago, hoping it wouldn't take 8 months to lock down a position like the last time I went out searching. And you know how when you are doing exactly what God wants, things just kind of fall into place so quickly and easily? I applied for a BUNCH of seasonal work at one of my favorite stores that I have worked seasonally at in the past - well, to a bunch of different locations - and got 7 responses from 4 stores wanting to interview me. The next day I had an interview set up for the next week, and the day after that I was asked to come in early to a hiring event the next day. I printed out my new resume, polished myself up and marched to the store desperately hoping I would hear back from them and not be ghosted as I have experienced MANY times. Luckily, that did not happen. I was getting along so well in the interview and it seemed to be going extremely well, and then I was offered a job on the spot for a seasonal position, and the interviewer filled me in on how to best get offered a regular position when the season was over.
So yes, I now have a new job, have given my first two-weeks notice ever, and am very excited and quite frightened for what comes next. It has been extremely difficult making ends meet lately, and many times we have had to scrape together enough money to make a meal or live off of as little as possible those last couple of days before paychecks come through. I will not be starting at my new position for another week, which means another pay period with almost no money, barely enough for rent, and a little leftover for gas and groceries. But times like this grow marriages, at least I've heard. I find I'm leaning on my husband and God more and more for comfort during this financial stress.
It doesn't help that my computer is running slower and slower and I'm back in school now.
Oh yes, another thing to throw into the mix of change. I am officially back to school, online college for a Psychology with Applied Behavioral Analytics degree. So far it has been easy. Writing has always come naturally for me, whether it is fiction or research papers, I can usually knock it out pretty quickly. My last research-based paper only took me an hour and a half to complete (it was only 3-4 pages but still). This one I am having a harder time getting into, so I'm allowing myself time to think on it and read through the research until I find something that sparks the paper into getting written. If nothing happens within a couple days I will just force it to start and hopefully get into a rhythm later.
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I have been thinking a lot about what all has had to happen in my life to bring me where I am today and it is honestly so overwhelming. Moving cross-country, getting relentlessly bullied, moving high school to escape bullying and be with my best friend, getting isolated there for some rumors the end of my senior year (only one of which was actually true, and even then it was covered with lies), going to camp, dating someone for a year that pushed me to be a better person but also was a bit of an emotional manipulator, going to college and then dropping out because I wanted something different, working and working and working more, working 3 jobs at once, to dating the man I now call my husband and quitting a job a love to go for a job that will actually help me provide for our little family. I know you didn't ask for a life story but there you go. A brief dissection of my life from 10 years old to now.
In all honesty, this rambling is me hoping that writing something will trigger my brain into having ideas for this paper.
It's not working.
Thanks for putting up with me,
Jaina
Wednesday, October 16, 2019
Friday, July 26, 2019
Wedding Help
Considering I recently planned and executed my own wedding without a planner and only my mom and family to help set everything up, I decided it might be helpful if I created a little list of things I think are important when planning your own wedding on a budget. There were things I think I did well with, and things I think I could have improved or used. I learned what is actually important, and what you can kind of ignore when it comes to this special day. So let's get into this!!
1. The Ceremony
Probably the most important part of your day when it comes to the ambiance and experience for you as the couple. I was really happy that we kept it small with less than 50 people, and had it in a pretty cheap location that was still beautiful and easy to dress up ($100/hour multi-purpose space in my parents' neighborhood). My family set up some folding chairs that came with the venue (if you can find a venue that comes with tables and chairs, and has the look you want, TAKE IT! It was so nice to not have to worry about renting tables and chairs), and my husband and I had created an "archway" out of PVC pipes that were 8 foot tall and 5 foot wide that we put borrowed curtains on, along with some borrowed paper lanterns to make it look fancier. The whole thing cost us around $5, and that's me overestimating!! We paid for a photographer and videographer and had a friend and pastor do the ceremony. Otherwise, it was pretty laid back!
One thing I wish I had thought of or sprung for was someone to cue the wedding party when to walk down the aisle. No one was there, so the party mostly walked down altogether, and then I was left waiting and not knowing when I should walk. I had a specific moment in the song picked out for when I would emerge, but that came and went before the Flowergirl even went out!! My brother was working the music through a Bluetooth speaker from my phone and had to restart the song, and I waited for the piece to fully get started and work up to a good point before I walked out. I'm sure it was really awkward for everyone waiting in the audience, and I was a bit disappointed that I didn't get to walk out when I had dreamed of, but overall it went well. Definitely assign someone to cueing the party to walk, and have a rehearsal (I also didn't have one of those because we didn't get in to the venue until two hours before the ceremony, but I should have thought to get the party together at some point the week before to walk through the walk).
2. The Reception
This is the part of the wedding your guests will ACTUALLY remember, and is probably the most stressful and busy part of the day for the bride and groom. It didn't help that I felt incredibly nauseous the whole time because I was overheating in my dress thanks to taking pictures with the wedding party outside immediately following the ceremony, and it was probably 100 degrees or warmer at the time. I didn't eat any of the food, but I will say we only spent around $800 on all of the food! We had a local BBQ joint cater to the wedding, and as it was a local business and it wasn't super fancy food, it cost a lot less! It also helped that we kept the wedding small. My favorite cake of all time is Safeway (grocery store in Arizona) chocolate and cookies and cream cake, so we had those for dessert along with homemade gluten-free chocolate cupcakes a family friend lovingly made for me. I ate nothing, but I know it all tasted delicious as it was all things I had eaten many times before and will probably eat many more times to come!
No one really danced at the wedding, I had music playing and the floor was cleared where the ceremony was held, but the group we had there wasn't really the dancing type. Instead, I made my rounds to each table talking to people and thanking them for coming while showing off my beautiful new wedding ring!
I had created three separate playlists for the big day, labeled CEREMONY, DINNER, and RECEPTION. They contained all the music necessary, and I had instructions I printed up for whoever would be controlling the music. The dinner playlist had slower love songs, the reception playlist had faster and more upbeat love songs and throwbacks, and the ceremony playlist was pretty short and only included the song we would walk down the aisle to, leave the ceremony to, and the daddy-daughter dance, mother-son dance, and bride and groom first dance songs.
We had bought a 100 count box of wedding bubbles from Michael's, that was meant for grand exits. We were not going to do a grand exit so instead, we let the kids at the wedding have free access to the bubbles during dinner and the reception. They had fun, we had fun watching them, and it created a whole other fun thing for them to do during dinner! There was also craft paper on the table with crayons so kids and adults could color!
If I could change anything about the reception, other than me not feeling sick the whole time, would be to have more people dance, or have more games planned so it wasn't just a bunch of sitting around and talking. We played the shoe game, and it would have been fun if we had a few more planned since no one really wanted to dance.
3. Decorations
Honestly, no one remembers the decor aside from the bride. Because of this, I wasn't really concerned with it, and the night before the wedding, my mom and I took a trip to Michael's and the dollar store, where we purchased all of the decorations. The colors I chose for the wedding were Teal/Turquoise for the wedding party and ceremony, and Green, White, and Brown/Burlap/Textured for the reception and dinner. We bought white tablecloths from the dollar store and put brown craft paper from Michael's across the tables, with blue flower petals surrounding little mason jars decorated with some blue ribbon (all from Michael's) with crayons scattered on the tables. We bought a 120 box of crayons and evenly distributed them among the tables. The wedding party table had the flower petals as well with the craft paper, but no crayons.
I personally wouldn't have done anything different with the decor! It looked so beautiful thanks to a family friend who used the mish-mash of supplies to create a beautiful scene.
4. Planning
I planned this whole thing in around a month, as it had originally been intended to be a courthouse wedding with a casual party immediately following, and then turned into the full-on wedding. I would have loved to have more time to plan it, to get more fancy decorations, maybe have an engagement photoshoot and print professional programs (I bought some cardstock and created a template online and printed them myself on my parents' printer the night before), but having a wedding under $10,000 including my dress, the photographer, videographer, and my hair and makeup (I did my own makeup, my best friends sister did my hair for free in exchange for a wedding invitation), I can't really complain!!
Hopefully, this list/discussion helped you figure out what things you need and don't need in your wedding, and what things a bride personally found important (mainly good photos, really. And the right music playing at the right time). And if it didn't, feel free to comment any questions you may have and I can do my best to answer them!
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION
- I bought my dress at an off-the-rack discount bridal store called Brilliant Bridal. The dress was around $700 including alterations, done by a lady who does alterations as a side job (and the dress looked BEAUTIFUL)
- I did my own makeup (and can do yours too if you live in Arizona. Follow me on Instagram @jainamichellemakeup for more information!)
- The Groomsmen wore any black slacks, black shoes, and white button-ups they had and we provided the ties for them which were around $15-20 each.
- The bridesmaids did their own hair and makeup however they wanted and wore whatever shoes and accessories they wanted or had
- The dress code for the wedding was whatever the hell you wanted to wear
- Children were welcomed and encouraged to attend
- I changed out of my dress once most of the guests had left, but really changed out when I had just had enough of being hot and sweaty in that dress.
- I only wore heels for the ceremony, and I found the heels on ThredUp for under $20.
Don't go overboard for your wedding unless you have always dreamed of a huge wedding and can afford it. Don't go into debt over one day of your life. A good photographer can make any wedding look amazing, and the photos are the most important part. We haven't taken a honeymoon yet as we haven't been able to afford it, so our plan is to take our honeymoon on our one year anniversary.
I think that's all I have, for now, more life updates to come soon, I'm sure!
Thanks for putting up with me,
Jaina
1. The Ceremony
Probably the most important part of your day when it comes to the ambiance and experience for you as the couple. I was really happy that we kept it small with less than 50 people, and had it in a pretty cheap location that was still beautiful and easy to dress up ($100/hour multi-purpose space in my parents' neighborhood). My family set up some folding chairs that came with the venue (if you can find a venue that comes with tables and chairs, and has the look you want, TAKE IT! It was so nice to not have to worry about renting tables and chairs), and my husband and I had created an "archway" out of PVC pipes that were 8 foot tall and 5 foot wide that we put borrowed curtains on, along with some borrowed paper lanterns to make it look fancier. The whole thing cost us around $5, and that's me overestimating!! We paid for a photographer and videographer and had a friend and pastor do the ceremony. Otherwise, it was pretty laid back!
One thing I wish I had thought of or sprung for was someone to cue the wedding party when to walk down the aisle. No one was there, so the party mostly walked down altogether, and then I was left waiting and not knowing when I should walk. I had a specific moment in the song picked out for when I would emerge, but that came and went before the Flowergirl even went out!! My brother was working the music through a Bluetooth speaker from my phone and had to restart the song, and I waited for the piece to fully get started and work up to a good point before I walked out. I'm sure it was really awkward for everyone waiting in the audience, and I was a bit disappointed that I didn't get to walk out when I had dreamed of, but overall it went well. Definitely assign someone to cueing the party to walk, and have a rehearsal (I also didn't have one of those because we didn't get in to the venue until two hours before the ceremony, but I should have thought to get the party together at some point the week before to walk through the walk).
2. The Reception
This is the part of the wedding your guests will ACTUALLY remember, and is probably the most stressful and busy part of the day for the bride and groom. It didn't help that I felt incredibly nauseous the whole time because I was overheating in my dress thanks to taking pictures with the wedding party outside immediately following the ceremony, and it was probably 100 degrees or warmer at the time. I didn't eat any of the food, but I will say we only spent around $800 on all of the food! We had a local BBQ joint cater to the wedding, and as it was a local business and it wasn't super fancy food, it cost a lot less! It also helped that we kept the wedding small. My favorite cake of all time is Safeway (grocery store in Arizona) chocolate and cookies and cream cake, so we had those for dessert along with homemade gluten-free chocolate cupcakes a family friend lovingly made for me. I ate nothing, but I know it all tasted delicious as it was all things I had eaten many times before and will probably eat many more times to come!
No one really danced at the wedding, I had music playing and the floor was cleared where the ceremony was held, but the group we had there wasn't really the dancing type. Instead, I made my rounds to each table talking to people and thanking them for coming while showing off my beautiful new wedding ring!
I had created three separate playlists for the big day, labeled CEREMONY, DINNER, and RECEPTION. They contained all the music necessary, and I had instructions I printed up for whoever would be controlling the music. The dinner playlist had slower love songs, the reception playlist had faster and more upbeat love songs and throwbacks, and the ceremony playlist was pretty short and only included the song we would walk down the aisle to, leave the ceremony to, and the daddy-daughter dance, mother-son dance, and bride and groom first dance songs.
We had bought a 100 count box of wedding bubbles from Michael's, that was meant for grand exits. We were not going to do a grand exit so instead, we let the kids at the wedding have free access to the bubbles during dinner and the reception. They had fun, we had fun watching them, and it created a whole other fun thing for them to do during dinner! There was also craft paper on the table with crayons so kids and adults could color!
If I could change anything about the reception, other than me not feeling sick the whole time, would be to have more people dance, or have more games planned so it wasn't just a bunch of sitting around and talking. We played the shoe game, and it would have been fun if we had a few more planned since no one really wanted to dance.
3. Decorations
Honestly, no one remembers the decor aside from the bride. Because of this, I wasn't really concerned with it, and the night before the wedding, my mom and I took a trip to Michael's and the dollar store, where we purchased all of the decorations. The colors I chose for the wedding were Teal/Turquoise for the wedding party and ceremony, and Green, White, and Brown/Burlap/Textured for the reception and dinner. We bought white tablecloths from the dollar store and put brown craft paper from Michael's across the tables, with blue flower petals surrounding little mason jars decorated with some blue ribbon (all from Michael's) with crayons scattered on the tables. We bought a 120 box of crayons and evenly distributed them among the tables. The wedding party table had the flower petals as well with the craft paper, but no crayons.
I personally wouldn't have done anything different with the decor! It looked so beautiful thanks to a family friend who used the mish-mash of supplies to create a beautiful scene.
4. Planning
I planned this whole thing in around a month, as it had originally been intended to be a courthouse wedding with a casual party immediately following, and then turned into the full-on wedding. I would have loved to have more time to plan it, to get more fancy decorations, maybe have an engagement photoshoot and print professional programs (I bought some cardstock and created a template online and printed them myself on my parents' printer the night before), but having a wedding under $10,000 including my dress, the photographer, videographer, and my hair and makeup (I did my own makeup, my best friends sister did my hair for free in exchange for a wedding invitation), I can't really complain!!
Hopefully, this list/discussion helped you figure out what things you need and don't need in your wedding, and what things a bride personally found important (mainly good photos, really. And the right music playing at the right time). And if it didn't, feel free to comment any questions you may have and I can do my best to answer them!
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION
- I bought my dress at an off-the-rack discount bridal store called Brilliant Bridal. The dress was around $700 including alterations, done by a lady who does alterations as a side job (and the dress looked BEAUTIFUL)
- I did my own makeup (and can do yours too if you live in Arizona. Follow me on Instagram @jainamichellemakeup for more information!)
- The Groomsmen wore any black slacks, black shoes, and white button-ups they had and we provided the ties for them which were around $15-20 each.
- The bridesmaids did their own hair and makeup however they wanted and wore whatever shoes and accessories they wanted or had
- The dress code for the wedding was whatever the hell you wanted to wear
- Children were welcomed and encouraged to attend
- I changed out of my dress once most of the guests had left, but really changed out when I had just had enough of being hot and sweaty in that dress.
- I only wore heels for the ceremony, and I found the heels on ThredUp for under $20.
Don't go overboard for your wedding unless you have always dreamed of a huge wedding and can afford it. Don't go into debt over one day of your life. A good photographer can make any wedding look amazing, and the photos are the most important part. We haven't taken a honeymoon yet as we haven't been able to afford it, so our plan is to take our honeymoon on our one year anniversary.
I think that's all I have, for now, more life updates to come soon, I'm sure!
Thanks for putting up with me,
Jaina
Tuesday, June 25, 2019
Adult Things
The longer I have been living on my own, not with my parents, the more “adult” things I’ve had to do. I’ve had to send emails to our apartment complex due to the roof of our patio rotting and spilling water onto us, and for the ever present marijuana smell outside of our building due to one or more of our upstairs neighbors smoking (also it fills our unit, mainly the bathroom and hallway with the scent which subsequently means we start smelling like weed. Not what I want to smell like). I’ve also had to schedule my own doctors appointments and as I have ADHD, this means I forget more often than I remember to actually make them.
Our complex doesn’t have a recycling bin, so I had to take all of our moving boxes to a recycling facility nearby (thank the Lord it’s a 2 minute drive), and thanks to wedding gifts our dining room is filled with boxes AGAIN. And now, the most adult thing of all, my car is breaking down.
My dad has given it one year if he fixes everything that’s wrong with it now. There’s a weird noise in the front end, the trunk is broken so if you want to open it you have to hold it or it will slam down on top of you, the right turn signal is out due to the wire being broken, it needs new brake pads or something like that, and the sun visors little hook holder thing is broken so they swing freely while driving. Also all the lights, including overhead ones will randomly flash due to some issue with the internal wiring. So yeah, once all that is fixed he things we can get one more year out of it. So I’m currently car shopping preemptively in case it craps out on me sooner.
I k ow a few cars I would love to have, but as I’m married now I also have to think of any “oopsie” pregnancies, and want a car that can easily fit two car seats in the back, and that I won’t have to bend over too much to put kids in them. (We want kids relatively soon, but our 1 bed 1 bath apartment doesn’t have room for kids beyond toddler age. When our lease is up we might try to buy a house or move into a 2 bedroom unit at our complex so we can start trying. But we also aren’t actively NOT trying if that makes sense). So, in the next year I will probably have to buy a new car, and move into a bigger place. Fun!!!!
Also my sleeve tattoo is 3-4 sessions away from being done, about $1k more essentially. I am so excited to have it done because it already looks so amazing!! After that I will probably take a break from tattoos for about a year (we will see if I last that long) and focus on rebuilding my savings after this move has really drained it.
I’m also about to register for classes for my degree which just so happens to not exist in Arizona, so I have to do online classes through another state. Subsequently my two current jobs have me barely able to make rent so I’m looking for other jobs I can work while going to school so I can pay for my half of the rent, school payments, and possibly a car payment. If anyone knows jobs hiring that will pay like $3,500 a month let me know because that’s what I need minimum to not live paycheck to paycheck!!
Being an adult is incredibly difficult and I wish I could just have my parents pay for everything, but since I got my first job and started paying for everything myself while living st home, I have felt bad asking for ANYTHING because I know how hard it is to make the money for anything. There are so many things I need to do that cost money (like doctors appointments to change my meds so I don’t mess up my future children, or appointments to figure out why I’m always bloated and feel sick after I eat anything, or why my right nostril is always blocked even when it’s not my allergy season). I’m struggling to keep myself healthy but I’m loving being on my own and living with the love of my life. I wouldn’t change a thing, except maybe to be making more than minimum wage for once.
I anyone is selling a Toyota RAV4, Chevrolet Malibu, or Ford Fusion from 2012-present for less than 10k, hit me up (I know no one is. At least not ones in good condition with less than 20k miles.).
Thanks for reading this, hopefully I will update you all on everything in my life more often! I love blogging, and love writing my thoughts. Trying to get back to my favorite hobbies, one of which is writing, so I have more ways to de stress after the many 13-17 hour days I’ve been having lately. (Yes, I work that long and still can’t afford my rent and it’s priced extremely reasonably. The woes of minimum wage and taxes).
Thanks for being here,
Jaina
Our complex doesn’t have a recycling bin, so I had to take all of our moving boxes to a recycling facility nearby (thank the Lord it’s a 2 minute drive), and thanks to wedding gifts our dining room is filled with boxes AGAIN. And now, the most adult thing of all, my car is breaking down.
My dad has given it one year if he fixes everything that’s wrong with it now. There’s a weird noise in the front end, the trunk is broken so if you want to open it you have to hold it or it will slam down on top of you, the right turn signal is out due to the wire being broken, it needs new brake pads or something like that, and the sun visors little hook holder thing is broken so they swing freely while driving. Also all the lights, including overhead ones will randomly flash due to some issue with the internal wiring. So yeah, once all that is fixed he things we can get one more year out of it. So I’m currently car shopping preemptively in case it craps out on me sooner.
I k ow a few cars I would love to have, but as I’m married now I also have to think of any “oopsie” pregnancies, and want a car that can easily fit two car seats in the back, and that I won’t have to bend over too much to put kids in them. (We want kids relatively soon, but our 1 bed 1 bath apartment doesn’t have room for kids beyond toddler age. When our lease is up we might try to buy a house or move into a 2 bedroom unit at our complex so we can start trying. But we also aren’t actively NOT trying if that makes sense). So, in the next year I will probably have to buy a new car, and move into a bigger place. Fun!!!!
Also my sleeve tattoo is 3-4 sessions away from being done, about $1k more essentially. I am so excited to have it done because it already looks so amazing!! After that I will probably take a break from tattoos for about a year (we will see if I last that long) and focus on rebuilding my savings after this move has really drained it.
I’m also about to register for classes for my degree which just so happens to not exist in Arizona, so I have to do online classes through another state. Subsequently my two current jobs have me barely able to make rent so I’m looking for other jobs I can work while going to school so I can pay for my half of the rent, school payments, and possibly a car payment. If anyone knows jobs hiring that will pay like $3,500 a month let me know because that’s what I need minimum to not live paycheck to paycheck!!
Being an adult is incredibly difficult and I wish I could just have my parents pay for everything, but since I got my first job and started paying for everything myself while living st home, I have felt bad asking for ANYTHING because I know how hard it is to make the money for anything. There are so many things I need to do that cost money (like doctors appointments to change my meds so I don’t mess up my future children, or appointments to figure out why I’m always bloated and feel sick after I eat anything, or why my right nostril is always blocked even when it’s not my allergy season). I’m struggling to keep myself healthy but I’m loving being on my own and living with the love of my life. I wouldn’t change a thing, except maybe to be making more than minimum wage for once.
I anyone is selling a Toyota RAV4, Chevrolet Malibu, or Ford Fusion from 2012-present for less than 10k, hit me up (I know no one is. At least not ones in good condition with less than 20k miles.).
Thanks for reading this, hopefully I will update you all on everything in my life more often! I love blogging, and love writing my thoughts. Trying to get back to my favorite hobbies, one of which is writing, so I have more ways to de stress after the many 13-17 hour days I’ve been having lately. (Yes, I work that long and still can’t afford my rent and it’s priced extremely reasonably. The woes of minimum wage and taxes).
Thanks for being here,
Jaina
Saturday, May 18, 2019
#DandJWeddingDay
That's our official hashtag, so feel free to use it I guess? I don't really know how all that works prior to the big day, but that's what we will use on the day!!
Which has changed already, because why wouldn't it?
Here's the deal, our officiant was going to be at a summer camp on the eighth, along with my younger brother. So we had to move it because I want my family there. Then I found out that if we have it on the first of the month, my oldest brother would be able to fly out!! So we are getting married on June 1st.
We booked the venue, it was one of our top two choices and only costs $100 per hour, and we got it from 8am-2pm, so that's a major score! The ceremony is going to start at 10 so we have two hours to get the place looking wedding ready since it's used for tons of different events, so hopefully, that's enough time!
Catering is booked and ready to go, and I had someone offer to make 2 dozen gluten-free chocolate cupcakes for those with gluten sensitivities or preferences (There are 3 guaranteed to come, with the change for even more). The cake is going to be easy and an order will be placed the week of (it doesn't book out far in advance). I found my dress for less than half the price of the BHLDN one I loved, but the only catch is its a size 14, while I'm a size 10. Luckily, I'm meeting with a lady on Monday to see if she thinks she can get it done in time for the wedding (it's in exactly two weeks. Oh no, I'm not panicking AT ALL!!!!!). If she can't do it in time, then I am quite literally fucked, since I can't afford to buy another one, and God knows I wouldn't ask my mom pay for one again (she so kindly paid for the dress, even though I told her she didn't have to!)
We are meeting with our officiant tomorrow to talk and get a little pre-marital counseling since they are a friend of ours, as well as discuss if they can actually do it (they are a pastor at our church, so we have to find out if there's a loophole for them to marry us without taking the 9-week marriage class beforehand, since you know, we get married in two weeks).
We have the marriage license, and my friend offered to make paper flowers for my bouquet and the few arrangments I will have at the ceremony and reception. Sometime this week I will either make or enlist someone else to make the backdrop we will get married in front of, as well as figure out if we are writing our own vows or using generic ones (I already warned David that if we write our own I'm stealing some of Leslie and Ben's from Parks and Rec, maybe with a little Lily and Marshall from HIMYM sprinkled in there).
There are so many little details to figure out, and due to the timeline, I have given a lot of them up. I left my bridesmaids in charge of figuring out their own hair, makeup, accessories, and shoes. I don't care what they look like, as long as they don't look like freaks and feel beautiful as well. I didn't even really care what dress they bought as long as it was a shade of blue and floor length.
My fiance still hasn't gotten anything for himself for the wedding and we still haven't gotten wedding bands, so that's something we will get done this week.
When I start to feel overwhelmed by everything but don't want to stop planning because that will cause a full blown panic attack, I work on our playlist. It's fun, not stressful for me, and is still something that needs to get done (as well as figuring out a way to actually PLAY the music at the wedding. Still have no idea how we are going to pull that off).
I have no tips, no tricks, no cute little to do lists for any of you out there wedding planning, this is mainly for me to vent and write my thoughts and to give any of you who are wondering about short time frame engagements and wedding planning a little insight into what it can be like.
It's chaotic
It can be hellish
But knowing I get to marry the love of my life that much sooner makes it absolutely worth it. I don't care about all these little details, all that matters is after that day, I will forever be one with the one I love.
That's it.
Which has changed already, because why wouldn't it?
Here's the deal, our officiant was going to be at a summer camp on the eighth, along with my younger brother. So we had to move it because I want my family there. Then I found out that if we have it on the first of the month, my oldest brother would be able to fly out!! So we are getting married on June 1st.
We booked the venue, it was one of our top two choices and only costs $100 per hour, and we got it from 8am-2pm, so that's a major score! The ceremony is going to start at 10 so we have two hours to get the place looking wedding ready since it's used for tons of different events, so hopefully, that's enough time!
Catering is booked and ready to go, and I had someone offer to make 2 dozen gluten-free chocolate cupcakes for those with gluten sensitivities or preferences (There are 3 guaranteed to come, with the change for even more). The cake is going to be easy and an order will be placed the week of (it doesn't book out far in advance). I found my dress for less than half the price of the BHLDN one I loved, but the only catch is its a size 14, while I'm a size 10. Luckily, I'm meeting with a lady on Monday to see if she thinks she can get it done in time for the wedding (it's in exactly two weeks. Oh no, I'm not panicking AT ALL!!!!!). If she can't do it in time, then I am quite literally fucked, since I can't afford to buy another one, and God knows I wouldn't ask my mom pay for one again (she so kindly paid for the dress, even though I told her she didn't have to!)
We are meeting with our officiant tomorrow to talk and get a little pre-marital counseling since they are a friend of ours, as well as discuss if they can actually do it (they are a pastor at our church, so we have to find out if there's a loophole for them to marry us without taking the 9-week marriage class beforehand, since you know, we get married in two weeks).
We have the marriage license, and my friend offered to make paper flowers for my bouquet and the few arrangments I will have at the ceremony and reception. Sometime this week I will either make or enlist someone else to make the backdrop we will get married in front of, as well as figure out if we are writing our own vows or using generic ones (I already warned David that if we write our own I'm stealing some of Leslie and Ben's from Parks and Rec, maybe with a little Lily and Marshall from HIMYM sprinkled in there).
There are so many little details to figure out, and due to the timeline, I have given a lot of them up. I left my bridesmaids in charge of figuring out their own hair, makeup, accessories, and shoes. I don't care what they look like, as long as they don't look like freaks and feel beautiful as well. I didn't even really care what dress they bought as long as it was a shade of blue and floor length.
My fiance still hasn't gotten anything for himself for the wedding and we still haven't gotten wedding bands, so that's something we will get done this week.
When I start to feel overwhelmed by everything but don't want to stop planning because that will cause a full blown panic attack, I work on our playlist. It's fun, not stressful for me, and is still something that needs to get done (as well as figuring out a way to actually PLAY the music at the wedding. Still have no idea how we are going to pull that off).
I have no tips, no tricks, no cute little to do lists for any of you out there wedding planning, this is mainly for me to vent and write my thoughts and to give any of you who are wondering about short time frame engagements and wedding planning a little insight into what it can be like.
It's chaotic
It can be hellish
But knowing I get to marry the love of my life that much sooner makes it absolutely worth it. I don't care about all these little details, all that matters is after that day, I will forever be one with the one I love.
That's it.
Monday, April 29, 2019
Marriage
I’m getting married.
The question was popped on January 24th and I joyfully said yes to spending the rest of my life with the love of my life. As two twenty-somethings with hardly any disposable income, the idea of a wedding is absolutely terrifying. There are so many costs!! Venue, food, THE dress, bridesmaids dresses, tuxes, flowers, decorations, music, dessert, photographer, videographer....it quite literally never ends. I have known what dress I’ve wanted for a long time, but it is quite pricey and on the upper end of the national average for a wedding dress, but still WAY below what anyone on “Say Yes to the Dress” spends (one lady seriously spent $20k on a DRESS. SERIOUSLY).
We initially opted for a quiet, inexpensive courthouse wedding.
No dresses.
No tuxes.
No food.
No photographer.
No guest list.
And I am totally okay with that. It sounds so stress-free, so focused on our love and dedication to each other for eternity, and places the main focus on God blessing our relationship as we commit our journey together to Him and Him alone.
However, things don’t always come to plan.
My parents could not attend the day we set for the wedding, and I don’t want to get married without them there.
So, we had to reschedule, re-evaluate, and do it all over again (the planning that is).
Now, I am a natural-born planner. I LOVE the stuff. I live for lists and categorizing and organizing, but weddings? That’s a whole other ballgame I’m not prepared for. But I cannot afford a wedding planner to do it all for me (nor do I want one. I’m a bit of a control freak as well), so most of the decisions fall on me as my groom is a serial “whatever you want” type of person (in the kindest way. He wants me to be happy and love whatever we do, and if he genuinely doesn’t like something he will say so). I have the guest list, my dream (but expensive) dress, the food and dessert, wedding shower, and a few venue options figured out, but the rest is..... stressful.
We might have the venue and officiant figured out, I know what cake I want, I know what dietary restrictions to work around, and I already know my main color and flowers. Easy peasy. Wedding band? No fricken clue. I’ve looked at some and none of them were right. And that’s something I actually have to figure out for myself!!
Basically, don’t be surprised if this blog turns into a wedding blog for a bit. I’m going through it.
Oh, and did I mention our wedding date falls on my birthday? So I expect double the presents from everyone attending, and double gifts every year following. Just saying.
The question was popped on January 24th and I joyfully said yes to spending the rest of my life with the love of my life. As two twenty-somethings with hardly any disposable income, the idea of a wedding is absolutely terrifying. There are so many costs!! Venue, food, THE dress, bridesmaids dresses, tuxes, flowers, decorations, music, dessert, photographer, videographer....it quite literally never ends. I have known what dress I’ve wanted for a long time, but it is quite pricey and on the upper end of the national average for a wedding dress, but still WAY below what anyone on “Say Yes to the Dress” spends (one lady seriously spent $20k on a DRESS. SERIOUSLY).
We initially opted for a quiet, inexpensive courthouse wedding.
No dresses.
No tuxes.
No food.
No photographer.
No guest list.
And I am totally okay with that. It sounds so stress-free, so focused on our love and dedication to each other for eternity, and places the main focus on God blessing our relationship as we commit our journey together to Him and Him alone.
However, things don’t always come to plan.
My parents could not attend the day we set for the wedding, and I don’t want to get married without them there.
So, we had to reschedule, re-evaluate, and do it all over again (the planning that is).
Now, I am a natural-born planner. I LOVE the stuff. I live for lists and categorizing and organizing, but weddings? That’s a whole other ballgame I’m not prepared for. But I cannot afford a wedding planner to do it all for me (nor do I want one. I’m a bit of a control freak as well), so most of the decisions fall on me as my groom is a serial “whatever you want” type of person (in the kindest way. He wants me to be happy and love whatever we do, and if he genuinely doesn’t like something he will say so). I have the guest list, my dream (but expensive) dress, the food and dessert, wedding shower, and a few venue options figured out, but the rest is..... stressful.
We might have the venue and officiant figured out, I know what cake I want, I know what dietary restrictions to work around, and I already know my main color and flowers. Easy peasy. Wedding band? No fricken clue. I’ve looked at some and none of them were right. And that’s something I actually have to figure out for myself!!
Basically, don’t be surprised if this blog turns into a wedding blog for a bit. I’m going through it.
Oh, and did I mention our wedding date falls on my birthday? So I expect double the presents from everyone attending, and double gifts every year following. Just saying.
Sunday, March 31, 2019
What Changed Me
I was recently reading through my old blog from middle and high school and noticed a few interesting things. I was reading in reverse chronological order, so I first encountered a post entitled "My Flaws", where I essentially listed what I hated most about myself. It was extremely sad reading what young me thought of herself and listening to her beating herself down. I consider myself a fairly confident person, but I did not get to this position without a lot of fighting against my own brain. I kept scrolling and reading and came upon another post all about getting to know me. It was a lot of the usual stuff, like my favorite things, but mixed in were a few interesting things. The two that stuck out the most to me were that I stated that I was not self-conscious, and thought I could get a record deal easily.
It was interesting as in my flaws post, made a couple of years later, I stated that I could not sing and that I hated parts of my body, including my knees, hair, and stomach.
What changed?
I'll tell you,
Fucking middle school bullies.
Between fifth and eighth grade, I was relentlessly bullied by one particular mean girl, who actually turned one of my friends against me in a "her or me" sort of situation. She also claimed I was attempting to be popular and "it's just sad, to see someone try that hard to be something they can't". A lot of gossip and full on slander was spread about, and while we were friends (because for a while in the fifth grade I considered her one of my best friends) she systematically tore me down and created all of my insecurities I would fight to overcome for the rest of my life.
One night when I was over with the rest of our little group, we played "American Idol" and everyone took turns 'auditioning'. We were pretty much saying the same stuff, that whoever performed was amazing, we were offering a record deal right there, and they were going to HOLLYWOOD BABY!!!!!
Then I got on stage.
And she stopped me not even thirty seconds into my 'performance', and said words I haven't forgotten in the 10 years since.
"You're like, not that good at singing. Like, you can see on key but like, it doesn't sound good. No one wants to hear it. You really shouldn't sing, like, ever."
And I said something in a small voice, embarrassed that I had humiliated myself, and sat back down and did my best to have fun as she went on to force us to listen to her since for the next hour or so. I don't remember anything else from that night, but my best friend out of the group later told me that she thought that was mean of her and that I didn't sing badly at all.
But the damage had been done.
Over the course of that school year, she spoke behind my back to everyone about how she hated me and wished she wasn't my friend, that she was too nice to stop talking to me but wished I would stop talking to her. I tried to be friends and make things better because I didn't know what I had done, but eventually, I was completely alienated. I had one friend left, who was also cast aside by this mean girl, for reasons I found out were basically we were 'pretty' enough or 'cool' enough to be popular, and therefore couldn't be friends with her.
She constantly pointed out my 'flaws' until I believed her.
Over the summer before middle school, she bullied me even more, spread more lies, so that by the time school started back up again, I had no friends. I had my one, from fifth grade, but once we moved into larger class sizes, with lunch altogether, she sat with her friends, made new ones, and I was left alone the majority of recess and lunch. I later met a girl who had gone through the same shit as me, by the same girl as me, just a year prior to my arrival at the school. And this mean girl had lied to ME about this girl, told me horrible things about her so I wouldn't be her friend, and I had never met her. As I talked to her, Emma, she cleared everything up and we found out that she was repeating a cycle, of tossing aside friends who didn't fit her agenda of being the most popular girl in school.
Moral of the story is one little thing can change you for life. I struggle with body dysmorphia, not from this one single event, but this girl really set it off and made it morph into something I struggle with every day, something that changed form from just worrying about ever being fat, and thinking anything above skeletal was fat, to hating everything about me, from my knees to my hair to the fat on my stomach that is there naturally for childbirth. She pointed out things I couldn't change, like my laugh and singing voice, my teeth color, my nose, and made me hate them. She destroyed my self-esteem that my mother had built to seem so indestructible, not built on my image but on how I felt about myself. I don't know if I can ever forgive her, and I know she wasn't bullied at home as she came from a loving, albeit broken, home. Despite her parents being divorced she and her family were happy. Her mom and dad had a good relationship and were on great terms, she was just a pure mean girl, evil to the core. I hope to God she changed and that I was her last victim, as I nearly killed myself from anorexia and hating my own self so deeply.
That's all for now. Please be nice to others and fucking punch your local mean girl. She's a bitch and deserves it.
Jaina
It was interesting as in my flaws post, made a couple of years later, I stated that I could not sing and that I hated parts of my body, including my knees, hair, and stomach.
What changed?
I'll tell you,
Fucking middle school bullies.
Between fifth and eighth grade, I was relentlessly bullied by one particular mean girl, who actually turned one of my friends against me in a "her or me" sort of situation. She also claimed I was attempting to be popular and "it's just sad, to see someone try that hard to be something they can't". A lot of gossip and full on slander was spread about, and while we were friends (because for a while in the fifth grade I considered her one of my best friends) she systematically tore me down and created all of my insecurities I would fight to overcome for the rest of my life.
One night when I was over with the rest of our little group, we played "American Idol" and everyone took turns 'auditioning'. We were pretty much saying the same stuff, that whoever performed was amazing, we were offering a record deal right there, and they were going to HOLLYWOOD BABY!!!!!
Then I got on stage.
And she stopped me not even thirty seconds into my 'performance', and said words I haven't forgotten in the 10 years since.
"You're like, not that good at singing. Like, you can see on key but like, it doesn't sound good. No one wants to hear it. You really shouldn't sing, like, ever."
And I said something in a small voice, embarrassed that I had humiliated myself, and sat back down and did my best to have fun as she went on to force us to listen to her since for the next hour or so. I don't remember anything else from that night, but my best friend out of the group later told me that she thought that was mean of her and that I didn't sing badly at all.
But the damage had been done.
Over the course of that school year, she spoke behind my back to everyone about how she hated me and wished she wasn't my friend, that she was too nice to stop talking to me but wished I would stop talking to her. I tried to be friends and make things better because I didn't know what I had done, but eventually, I was completely alienated. I had one friend left, who was also cast aside by this mean girl, for reasons I found out were basically we were 'pretty' enough or 'cool' enough to be popular, and therefore couldn't be friends with her.
She constantly pointed out my 'flaws' until I believed her.
Over the summer before middle school, she bullied me even more, spread more lies, so that by the time school started back up again, I had no friends. I had my one, from fifth grade, but once we moved into larger class sizes, with lunch altogether, she sat with her friends, made new ones, and I was left alone the majority of recess and lunch. I later met a girl who had gone through the same shit as me, by the same girl as me, just a year prior to my arrival at the school. And this mean girl had lied to ME about this girl, told me horrible things about her so I wouldn't be her friend, and I had never met her. As I talked to her, Emma, she cleared everything up and we found out that she was repeating a cycle, of tossing aside friends who didn't fit her agenda of being the most popular girl in school.
Moral of the story is one little thing can change you for life. I struggle with body dysmorphia, not from this one single event, but this girl really set it off and made it morph into something I struggle with every day, something that changed form from just worrying about ever being fat, and thinking anything above skeletal was fat, to hating everything about me, from my knees to my hair to the fat on my stomach that is there naturally for childbirth. She pointed out things I couldn't change, like my laugh and singing voice, my teeth color, my nose, and made me hate them. She destroyed my self-esteem that my mother had built to seem so indestructible, not built on my image but on how I felt about myself. I don't know if I can ever forgive her, and I know she wasn't bullied at home as she came from a loving, albeit broken, home. Despite her parents being divorced she and her family were happy. Her mom and dad had a good relationship and were on great terms, she was just a pure mean girl, evil to the core. I hope to God she changed and that I was her last victim, as I nearly killed myself from anorexia and hating my own self so deeply.
That's all for now. Please be nice to others and fucking punch your local mean girl. She's a bitch and deserves it.
Jaina
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